Every relationship deserves to have a healthy sex life. Unfortunately it is hard for many couples to achieve and maintain what they consider to be one. Sometimes this is because of physical problems, but many times, it is due to emotions that block sex from happening.

While there are MANY emotional experiences I could list here, these 4 are common feelings I hear about from my clients that cause a roadblock to physical intimacy.

 Feeling Disconnected

When a couple struggles with connection outside of the bedroom, they can have trouble reaching a healthy sex life. Being emotionally disconnected or having high emotional walls means there is something in the relationship that doesn’t feel safe. A relationship may not feel safe due to a past with infidelity, lack of trust, fighting, feeling more like roommates than a couple, or surface interactions without revealing emotional depth. When a couple focuses on lowering those emotional walls and building a safe relationship, this is likely to have a positive ripple affect in the bedroom.

Feeling Out Of Balance

When you are out of balance, it is hard to prioritize even the most important things. When people get too busy, they tend to loose the ability to juggle things they enjoy and care about. This can cause burn out and feeling too tired. This feeling can drain the energy and motivation out of a person’s desire for sex. Working towards balance in all areas of your life- like time management and getting enough sleep- can help you prioritize sex in your relationship. It’s all about good self care!

Feeling Self-conscious

Feeling insecure and embarrassed about your body can surely affect a person’s ability to feel comfortable with sex. When you struggle with embracing your body’s positives, it is hard for you to give yourself an opportunity to enjoy something related to your body. Negative self-talk can be a controlling force in people’s lives. Trying to do things that help you feel more comfortable in your own skin and having a pep talk full of positive self-talk can make a difference!

Past Sexual Wounds

I hate that sexual wounds are a reality for so many people. When someone has been victimized by an unwanted touch- regardless of how invasive- it breaks something inside. It teaches people that sexual touch is not always safe and shouldn’t always be trusted. This is something that can have a big impact on a couples ability to achieve a healthy sex life.

As I said, there are many more examples I could give that become roadblocks to a healthy sex life. These are just a few to get you thinking. Are there others in your relationship you can think of? If so, it’s time to address the issues instead of letting them control you and this important part of your relationship. Sit down with your partner or a professional today to help you get started down a path of change!