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I’ve heard and sung this song hundreds of times and just the other day I actually listened to the lyrics. I was so struck by the truth they speak. So many of my clients hide their pain and lack vulnerability and authenticity with others. It’s like they have a fear of being loved.

Listen as you continue to read and see if you can relate to these lyrics:

 

We hide pain in the weirdest places
Broken souls with smiling faces
Fighting for surrender
For now and the after
Just look around and you’ll see that people
Are scared to say how they really feel
Oh, we all need a little honesty
Can you relate? Are you secretly aching inside and pretend you have it all put together? Do you put on a mask to protect yourself from others seeing the truth? Do you lie to others about how you really feel because you’re scared of what others will think?
Down deep we ALL have a big need to be loved, but fear of the pain that comes with it can feel too overwhelming at times. When you open yourself to love, you open yourself to potential hurt. You can’t separate the two. It’s a package deal.
When I say people have a fear of being loved, it’s really that they want the benefit of love, they just fear the risk of rejection, being disappointed, judgement, experiencing loss, and not feeling good enough. The more intense those fears, the more you will notice some of the following behaviors.

Things people do when they have a fear of being loved:

Avoid vulnerability

Keeping life on the surface feels like a safe move, but the safety people gain keeps them from being truly known by others. They miss out on the beautiful place of being accepted, deeply known and understood by others, and most of all genuine love.

Sugar coat reality

Have you ever uttered “I’m fine” as you choked back the tears? I think most of us have been there! When we soften the pain to make it pretty and polished for others, we deny the weight of what we really feel. It’s okay to not always be okay. I wrote an article about this very topic for iMOM.

Don’t ask for help

Sometimes it’s too scary to admit we need help, so we just don’t ask. If you know you need help, it’s not weak to ask for it…it’s actually being honest. Letting trusted people in to help you is a way to let them love you.

Self-sabotage

Have you ever predicted an outcome and then acted in ways to make it come true? This is a way people self sabotage their need to feel loved. They predict the rejection they might feel from others, so instead of taking the risk towards the possibility of being loved, they prevent it from happening. Someone might do this through isolating or causing conflict that causes rejection.

Relationships can bring great joy and intimacy, but they also can bring heartache. Human relationships will always be messy. But we know the truest love will always come from above. There is no fear in that!

You are loved
If your heart’s in a thousand pieces
If you’re lost and you’re far from reason
Just look up; know you are loved

You are loved!!