Are you intentionally building a happy marriage or do your actions tear it down?

I love watching the process of a building going from nothing but dirt to a beautiful structure. Each time I drive by I’m in awe at all it must take to complete the project. It takes time, a plan, and attention to detail to make it happen. A builder’s role is to work diligently at his/ her job over a long period of time to ensure the structure is strong and stable for whatever purpose it’s intended.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’m also entertained when I see videos of demolition. In a matter of seconds, an entire structure comes falling down into a pile of rubble. A demolitionist’s goal is to destroy the building. It can never be put together in the same way again. They push the rubble to the side and clear the area so it looks like nothing was ever there.

I’ve seen many demolitionist couples. They tear each other down, and their words destroy the marriage structure that used to exist. Sometimes it only takes seconds to cause your partner to implode when you speak hurtful words.

Is this you? Do you have a culture in your marriage of being a demolitionist? Does it look like you love your spouse by the way you treat him/her?

It’s much healthier to adopt the idea of being a “builder” in your marriage. Your role is to take the time and be intentional to build up this person you love, so your marriage is strong and stable. Pay attention to your words and actions to make sure they align with a builder mentality in your relationship. It’s not about being perfect, but it is about having attention to detail in a way that shows you love your partner.

Proverbs 14:1 says The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Are you wise and building up, or foolish by tearing down?

If you notice your marriage is heading towards demolition, it’s time to get help to learn how to start building a happy marriage.