My husband and I often joke that I am a “professional question asker”. My job as a therapist is to get to know and understand people on a much deeper level in order to help them with issues in their life. Many times in my work, I have to teach people about asking questions for connection in their relationship.

Have you ever felt closer to someone by asking and answering questions? I know I have! Knowing someone and being known is an important part of developing intimate relationships with others.

According to Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, this exercise of asking 36 questions has a reputation of helping people connect and fall in love. John Gottman’s idea of building love maps echos this theory. Research supports that asking questions can bring connection with loved ones.

How can asking questions for connection help your relationship?

It takes you deeper

Depth is key to having intimacy in your relationship. Asking questions for connection will help you get deeper so you will know each other well. This will help build a deeper understanding of each other that will help you see why he/she does something and thinks a certain way.

It facilitates sharing

Have you ever sat in an awkward silence? I can be very painful and uncomfortable. Asking questions helps cut the silence and can help create a culture of sharing, vulnerability, and opening up.

It allows someone to have a voice

Asking a question tells someone that their opinion matters. It gives them a chance to have a voice and express themselves. Make sure you pay attention and listen well to give them the respect you would desire.

You can learn something

Asking questions for connection can help you really learn something new about the person you care for. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, you never stop learning about your partner.

So whether you come up with your own, follow the 36 question exercise or create a Gottman love map with your partner, it’s time to get the questions going to help boost the connection in your relationship.

Do you ask questions for connection in your relationship?