Do you have plans to get married? You might want to make sure you’ve had some ‘heart to heart conversations’ before getting married.
Many people think about compatibility based on how they feel about a person, but there is much more depth to knowing your future mate. Just because you like someone, are attracted to them, and get along does not mean you are meant to spend the rest of your life together.
It’s important to spend time digging in and knowing each other on a deeper level before you say “I do”. A marriage commitment is not a small thing that you jump into. It’s a covenant promise between each other before God that you’ll love and cherish each other in the way He designed.
Before getting married, spend some time asking and answering these questions:
- How do you feel the most loved?
- What’s the best way to support you when you’re stressed?
- What pushes your buttons? What are your pet peeves?
- What are your expectations for each other’s families involvement in our lives? Holidays? Vacations?
- Do you have any debt?
- Do you have any financial goals and dream?
- Are you a spender or a saver?
- What amount of available money do you need to have to feel comfortable?
- What is your favorite way to self-care?
- How can we grow in our faith together once we are married?
- What are your expectations/ hopes for faith’s involvement in our lives? (i.e. Bible study, small group, attending church on Sundays, praying together, talking about our personal devotions, reading a faith book together, reading the Bible together, etc)
- What do you think is our biggest ‘needs improvement’ area?
- Have you ever experienced anything that you would consider abuse? (Physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual).
- What are your fears?
- How do you feel about conflict?
- Do you currently or have you ever struggled with any type of addiction? (i.e. alcohol, drugs, pornography, overeating, overspending, etc)
- How do you handle criticism and making mistakes?
- What are your expectations for where to live and what type of place you’d like to live in? (i.e. apartment, house, in the city, in the country etc)
- Sex questions: Do you have any expectations that are spoken or unspoken about physical intimacy? Do you have expectations about frequency? Any sexual boundaries that need to be discussed? Do you have any fears with sex? Do you feel comfortable talking openly about sex as a couple?
- Do you want kids? If so, how many? Do you have any specific values about raising kids?
- How will we plan to set boundaries to protect our relationship from infidelity?
- What is something in your life that you do not want to change once married? Do you have any non-negotiables?
- How important is physical appearance and health to you?
- What’s the best way for me to voice a complaint so you can hear me?
How will we prioritize quality time together no matter how busy we get?
There are so many other topics and questions that would be good to cover before saying ‘I do’, but here is a good place to start. If you need someone to help you dig deeper into these topics and more, contact Renewed Horizon for pre-marital counseling. It is always good to invest in the marriage more than just investing in the wedding.