So many of my clients hide their pain and lack vulnerability and authenticity with others. It’s like they have a fear of someone loving them. Do you have a fear of someone loving you?

¬†Are you secretly aching inside and pretend you have it all put together? Do you put on a mask to protect yourself from others seeing the truth? Do you lie to others about how you really feel because you’re scared of what others will think?
Down deep we ALL have a big need to be loved, God made us that way so we could turn to Him for the ultimate and purest love we could ever imagine. Unfortunately our humanness often looks for love in many different ways and places than He intended. This is what makes loving and being loved feel so dangerous when it’s coming from flawed humans.
Fear of the pain that comes with love can feel too overwhelming at times. When you open yourself to love, you open yourself to potential hurt. You can’t separate the two. It’s a package deal.
When I say people have a fear of being loved, it’s really that they want the benefit of love, they just fear the risk of rejection, being disappointed, judgement, experiencing loss, and not feeling good enough. The more intense those fears, the more you will notice some of the following behaviors.

Things people do when you have a fear of someone loving you:

Avoid vulnerability

Keeping life on the surface feels like a safe move, but the safety people gain keeps them from being truly known by others. They miss out on the beautiful place of being accepted, deeply known and understood by others, and most of all genuine love.

Sugar coat reality

Have you ever uttered “I’m fine” as you choked back the tears? I think most of us have been there! When we soften the pain to make it pretty and polished for others, we deny the weight of what we really feel. It’s okay to not always be okay. I wrote an article about this very topic for iMOM.

Don’t ask for help

Sometimes it’s too scary to admit we need help, so we just don’t ask. If you know you need help, it’s not weak to ask for it…it’s actually being honest. Letting trusted people in to help you is a way to let them love you.


Have you ever predicted an outcome and then acted in ways to make it come true? This is a way people self sabotage their need to feel loved. They predict the rejection they might feel from others, so instead of taking the risk towards the possibility of being loved, they prevent it from happening. Someone might do this through isolating or causing conflict that causes rejection.

Relationships can bring great joy and intimacy, but they also can bring heartache. Human relationships will always be messy. But we know the truest love will always come from above. There is no fear in that!


You are loved!!