Clients tell me all the time, “I hate the holidays”. There’s many stressors for people as they attend family gatherings and try to meet everyone’s expectations for the season. One way to decrease holiday stress is to set firm emotional boundaries during the holidays. Have you ever thought about coping during the holidays with emotional boundaries?
Being with family can often trigger old wounds, cause you to fall back into past roles from growing up, and end up with hurt feelings or fights. Because of this, it’s key to set emotional boundaries.
What is an Emotional Boundary?
An emotional boundary is when you protect yourself emotionally from a person who isn’t emotionally safe for you. This could be someone who is overly critical and judgmental, creates emotional tension, or someone who triggers emotional pain or stress.
How do I set Emotional Boundaries?
When setting emotional boundaries, it’s like you’re surrounding yourself with an invisible shield of protection from the unsafe person. This includes lowering your expectations. You should expect them to be how they have “always been” and do what they’ve “always done”. If you expect them to be who they are, it won’t catch you off guard and hurt so much. You have predicted the struggle in order for it to have less impact.
Lowering your expectations for the unsafe person to be who they usually are will also help your shield grow stronger. This is a process of grieving that relationships may never become what you desire them to be. This might be because the person is not capable of having a healthy relationship with you or anyone else.
If you set your hopes too high that a loved one won’t do what they’ve always done, then you are sure to be disappointed. It is common to say to yourself “Of course they did ____. That is what they do,” when you have good emotional boundaries.
Protect yourself by decreasing your stress with emotional boundaries during the holidays. What are some ways you can be coping during the holidays with emotional boundaries?