You may find yourself saying things like:
“I really want to do well. This time I’m going to make it happen. I am dedicated and will actually follow through now.” Then you find that weeks later you have fallen off the wagon and are beating up on yourself for your failure. Your actions became self-destructive and spiral out of control.
If this pattern sounds familiar, you may be stuck in a self-sabotage cycle.
Are you setting yourself up for failure with self-sabotage? If so, here are some common ways people get trapped in it:
Waiting until the last minute is a form of self-sabotage. We have all pushed something to the bottom of our to-do list, but it creates more stress than is necessary. Oftentimes it doesn’t just affect you, but also impacts the whole family. With a little planning and time management, you can avoid this trap.
We all know intellectually that we can’t be perfect, but many people struggle with this form of self-sabotage. They have such high standards that can’t possibility be met. They will often struggle to be happy due to feeling like a failure so much of the time. A simple mistake can turn into a big spiral quickly as they struggle with negative self-talk about all the ways they fall short.
All or Nothing Thinking
An all or nothing thinker struggles to be ok with “some”. When they see that something isn’t “all” the way it should be, than “nothing “ is good enough. Similar to a perfectionist, they sabotage their abilities because of the high standards they have about ‘all’ that needs to be done. So they jump to doing nothing instead of finding a happy medium of ‘some’.
When someone is suffering from an addiction, they find a lot of self-sabotage behaviors. It is like an internal war between their healthy mindset and the addict mindset. Oftentimes the addict will win. Someone with an addiction will often have multiple attempts to conquer it, but self-sabotage brings them back into the addiction. Whether it is a substance abuse issue, eating disorder, or emotional overeating, you may need a support group or therapist to help guide you to stop the self-sabotage cycle.
Do you ever think you know what someone is thinking? Assuming something without knowing the facts can be a dangerous form of sabotage in relationships. Your mind reading could be completely wrong and cause confusion and destruction. Before you mind read, ask a clarifying question to make sure you know what is going on.
Our insecurities can be a way of setting yourself up for failure as they keep us from doing something we want or need to do. The insecure voice can control our actions and sway us from accomplishing goals. Push that voice to the side and take small steps to conquer your fears.
Self-sabotage is a common trap people find themselves in. The first step is becoming aware of your patterns and having a plan and accountability to change them.